Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
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