why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Randomize
