I got chris browned last night
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize