well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
