I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
