I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Just pee around me
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
