so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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