I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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