she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
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