i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
