No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
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