he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Randomize
