Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
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