MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
