i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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