WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
