Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
