Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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