You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
