Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
