i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Randomize
