Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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