What did we do last night that was yellow?
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Randomize
