also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Randomize
