Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I puked a lego.
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Randomize
