two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
