Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
We are all done wearing pants today
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
