we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
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