I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
