i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
