he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
