Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
