I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
