New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Randomize
