I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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