I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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