So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
