I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
