omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize