do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
