Porn is love you can see.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
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