garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Randomize
