She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
