Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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