he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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