She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
