All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I'm passing your future prison.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
Randomize
