i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Randomize