I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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