hi brent please bring bad word music cd must most bad word please brent bring cd music bad word please brent bring cd music bad word
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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