I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
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