Can i not drive my cunt home
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
accomplished twins. life is a go
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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