for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
