and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
