people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
