I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
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