Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I DEMAND FORESKIN
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
