I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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