PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
