Pants 0. Shit 1.
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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