i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
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