I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Randomize
