Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
it was like having sex with a tree stump
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Randomize
