I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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