You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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