will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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