I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
