I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
