My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize