so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Is Oprah even human
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
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