What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
