you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Randomize
