You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize