Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize