i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Randomize
