i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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