I must be too annoying 4 u.
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
should my penis look like a turkey
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
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