I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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