You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Randomize
