idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
