There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
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