Apparently you make a good broom.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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