there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
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