Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
