you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Randomize
