Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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