i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
