...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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