I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
