I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
you had me at cake vodka
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
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