You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
