you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
she smelled like a LAN party
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
