So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
