Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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